After the funeral mass
a hunchbacked trail of masked mourners
wove through the northside graveyard
whipped by the wildness
of a chilling spring wind and driving, biting rain.
While grief in this strange time,
curious as forbidden touch,
wound its grasping tendrils round us,
Wild Strawberry vines blossomed beneath our feet
Like memories of better times.
Yesterday my family and I bid farewell to my dear uncle who passed away suddenly this week, aged sixty years.
His was a kind, quick-witted, intelligent and wildly talented man whose life was fraught with the difficulties of mental illness. He had been quite well lately and enjoying connection as well as anyone is able to in these troubled times. For this we are so grateful.
He was one of my mom's seven siblings. Mom's extended family includes 72 first cousins. I helped my mom's family with some of the funeral arrangements for the unexpected death of their brother. This included generating lists for 50 persons to attend the wake (names, contact numbers for small group visitation in 15 min timeslots) as well as generating a list to contact and invite up to 100 persons in two cohorts of 50 each for the funeral with names and contact numbers recorded for all in attendance. My role in this was relatively small but the burden on the family was great.
While many might say at least you had a wake and funeral, there was challenge and difficulty in this too and the connection that might have been experienced was marred by masks and distancing and roped off church pews and the physical absence of far away family members.
As well as the complex sadness at seeing four different cousins who each lost someone in the past year whom we couldn't mourn even the way we did yesterday.
How do you gracefully accept condolences yourself when, due to COVID-19, they haven't been properly shared with others?
All we could do was say thank you...and hope our meager offerings at the time of their losses provided some solace.
The greatest gifts to me were that at least my mom could spend some time with her siblings in accordance with guidelines and that we got to be briefly together in the beautiful graveyard of St Margaret's Church where so much of our history as a family rests.
Someday soon we will all enjoy tea and laughter and music together again with our families.
Until then, I am grateful for the kindheartedness of others.
Thanks for reading!
Sending you love!
Jill